Day 4
16 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment
in My weight loss journey Tags: allergies, benedryl, colonoscopy, cough, dairy allergy, diet, eating right, lose weight, losing weight, weight loss, wheat allergy
I know I have not posted in a day and never finished Saturday but I have not fallen off the wagon at all. I had some stuff to take care of and decided to not post about it until today . I got up to 251 today but for good cause and if you do not like reading about personal stuff like medical stuff, do not read any further, lol !!I did make an interesting discovery which I am thrilled with !!
I had to do a fast on Sunday for my year overdue first colonoscopy which I had today. Yesterday was not a fun day and I had to basicly not eat anything and use laxitives which were not fun at all. Overall it was not a horrrible day. I made sure to eat light on Sat which helped. I got through yesterday and my test today and I am in perfect health and need not have another test for ten years. I am thrilled !! Now the thing that I discovered which is amazing and fairly exciting to me, is while fasting I of course could not eat any normal food. And all of the allergy symptoms I had been having which had been almost unbearable pretty much disapeared . Coughing, and again, too much info for most, but after four kids no kegals, so coughing is not a pleasant thing for me to go through. I am working on it, but the coughing really derailed me. I have wondered for a long time if I am sensitive to wheat and or dairy but never really acted on it. I got up Sunday, did not eat them and by noon I happened to notice I had not coughed all day. I still took a benedryl to make sure, but by nine no more coughing but since I had to get sleep for my test, I took one anyway at midnight, and woke up today and no coughing. None. I could not drink cold drinks, they made me cough , I could not have the air on in the room I was in as cold air made me cough so I had to keep the vent in our room closed . I had some coughing fits in the last week where I could not stop. I had discovered taking one benedryl every two hours took care of it, and I did go to the doctor and make sure taking a bendryl every two hours is okay, so those episodes stopped, but that had its own problems, sleepiness and feeling so thirsty from it dehydrating me. So, today after my test I decided to not eat any dairy or wheat for a few weeks and see w hat happens. So far today, can drink cold drinks, can sit under the air conditioning vent and no coughing. I had never had coughing with allergies before, so it was a very weird thing anyway. But after over a month of miserable coughing and some other allergy symptoms, I am feeling great benedryl free. I am sorry I had to share my reasons for finding out, but it is a fact and what I had to go through and something we all have to do at 50. I am hoping this change with the allergies continues and cutting out the food is the solution.
I know the scale today was not completely accurate as I had not eaten in a day, but I am hoping it does not go up much and I can get it in the forties in the next week or two. I am determined to get my weight down . This week I really saw myself for the first time , and truely saw how much I have to lose. It is a bit discouraging but I will get it off. If there are foods bothering my system, cutting them out will help I am sure. If I was wrong and that is not the issue, then I wlll cross that bridge when I come to it, but so far, feeling much better !! It is still allergy season so a bit of symptoms would be normal, but the amount I was having was way worse then I have ever had and I had been told it is just a bad allergy season, but to have it all but stop suddenly after not eating, that makes me think there might be more to it. I still have a bit of allergy stuff but nothing big and we will see how the cough goes. I have had a tiny little cough here and there but the cough I have had the last six weeks is gone. I will not mind having to take a benedryl or two a day like a normal allergy season, it was the every two hours that wore me out !!
So I had a banana when we got home from the hospital and then for lunch we went to Logans and I had a piece of grilled salmon, a skewer of grilled veggies a salad with no croutons or cheese on it with olive oil and vinegar , and no rolls with our meal and also had a sweeet potato no butter, cin sugar on the side and put a bit on. It was a healthy and really delicious meal with no wheat or dairy. I will admit I did have a handful of peanuts, who can resist eating them and throwing the shells on the floor, too much fun !!!
For dinner we are mixing black beans, brown rice, corn, mild rotel and some extra lean ground beef and then David will have some cheese and sour cream but I will not, I will have some guacamole on it though. So, that is today. Will figure out tomorrow before I go to bed. Not leaving things up in the air anymore, but will have a plan for the next day before bed each night. I want to eat healthy and not only lose weight but make sure I do not eat anything that bothers my system, I do not want to go back to that nightmare again.
So, that is what I have been up to this weekend !! I am happy to start the new week with the medical stuff done. I was a bit anxious about it all and stressed so having that done makes me feel so much better !!
I am looking forward to a great week and seeing where this food experiment takes me. It will be a challenge but one I am up too.
No excercise to post today, I am taking it easy, I am bit wiped out from the last two days and they told me to rest today. Tomorrow I will be walking again. I am bound and determined to get active and get this weight off !!
Day 2
14 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment
in My weight loss journey Tags: a plan, diet, eating right, Food Log, healthy, lose weight, losing weight, weight loss
I had to have been a bit bloated yesterday, today my weight is down to 254.5, still way too high, but at last a bit better !!
It is a bit crazy around here today. My daughter and her hubby and family live with us and they found fleas on thier cats so they have been hard at work to get rid of them. I did not eat much of a breakfast, I ate two of those prepackaged string cheese things.
Lunch I had two slices of ww bread and a serving of mayo, which is two tablespoons and a small can of tuna in water and a handful of baked lays potato chips .
I will add more through the day as I eat. I Have had a liter of water and a half liter of cyrstal light raspberry ice and a half a litter of crystal lite peach and mago tea.
Starting fresh today
13 Apr 2012 2 Comments
in My weight loss journey Tags: a plan, day one, diet, eating right, fat, Food Log, healthy, healthy meals, lose weight, losing weight, walk, weight loss journey
Okay, day one and starting fresh, no more excuses.
Got up and weighed myself, not a good number, but it is what it is and it is my job to change it. My weight this morning is 257. that is my highest number yet and terrifies me because if I am that high, where could it go next. I used to think 240 was my highest, so it is very motivating. I do not want to hit 260.
I think I can say I am not prediabetic . My fasting blood sugar has remained well under 100 for weeks without meds, today it was 84. I am thrilled with that number . I take cinnamon with chromium twice a day and walk every day at least a bit and if I do those two things, normal blood sugar. Now I have to get the weight off to make s ure I never do get diabetes.
My goal today is 1200 calories. Keep the fat down to about 20 to 30 grams and get plenty of fiber through whole grains, fruits and veggies. I plan to get as close to a gallon of water as I can and choose healthy meals. My goal is to get at least 20 to 30 minutes of walking in as well.
I will p ost my meals here end of the day and will keep track of all my progress on this blog.
So, off to start day one, I am very relieved and excited to be starting my weight loss journey.
OKay, I am editing this through the day to put in my meals.
Breakfast was a bowl of old fashioned oats I cooked with a bit of raisins in it and then added a small spoonful of spenda brown sugar. You need very little for a good flavor and then a splash of milk.
lunch David and I split a roasted chicken breast sandwhich from Subway. I got no cheese and only the piece of chicken breast, lettuce, tomato and lots of red onions with a splash of red wine vinigar, NO dressings otherwise and we had some baked lays , the plain kind with it. I will post later with dinner .
I had dinner fairly early and due to allergies and being tired I made myself a sandwich with whole wheat bread, natural peanut butter and all fruit blue berry jelly,and that was all I ate, and no snacks all night.
For snacks during the day I had a bowl of red grapes and a banana and some raw broc, califlower and carrots with very minimal Italian dressing, just dipped the tip in and did not use much.
Excercise wise I walked twice for 15 minutes each time.
10 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment
in My daily search for myself Tags: 50 years old, a new adventure, being creative, best I can be, finding me, finding myself, future, happy, learning, live life to the fullest, purpose, self discovery, showing up
I am still doing a lot of thinking about the future and what I want to do with myself now that my job is over. I have raised my kids and now they are all on thier own. I need to find a new focus.
For the last two and a half years our daughter and her family have lived with us . They joined us in Texas from Calif when our son in law lost his job in the housing industry. It took them a while with this economy but they both finally have jobs they can build a future on and we are moving out of our own house mid June to let them rent it from us and we are getting a wonderful apartment to start the next chapter in. It is very exciting.
Now I need to figure out what I want to do next. I have been working on jewelry for the better part of 20 plus years and although I feel I make lovely items and they seem well recieved, my sales are really only to my wonderful family and friends. I appreciate them all so much, but it has become crystal clear that I have not found a way to create an income from my work and it is getting to be increasingly frustrating.
I am not sure I can continue to beat my head against the wall any longer. I see others selling thier jewelry hand over fist and making an actual living, but for some reason, I just am not enjoying that kind of success. After 20 years, I think I need to make it a hobby and leave it at that. Enough is enough and my passion for beads and jewelry is obviously not enough to overcome my lack of ability to find a successful venue to sell my pieces. I think if I had a creative partner to get together with and share the expenses I could branch out to some craft fairs and give that a try, but no matter how hard I have tried, no luck. I have met people time and again who seem to have that same desire to find a craft partnere, give them my card, and never hear a thing back from them.
I just think maybe I am being shown over and over, this is not what I am supposed to be doing.
I love to write. I used to love to draw. Once we had our four kids, I lost the time for those pursuits and that is when the jewelry came into my life. Jewelry you can create with kids running and screaming around you. No big huge concentration is needed. At least not for me, maybe some people need quiet, but I do not . I always have the tv on , or I am on a phone call when I create my jewelry .
I am thinking once we are in the apartment I will start working on my writing and drawing skills again. When I look at what I drew in my teens and young twenties it is discouraging to see how much I have lost. Drawing is something I have to concentrate on. I need to focus and think. I will have that quiet time to draw once we move.
I think at some point you have to figure the universe is telling you something. Maybe jewelry is just not what I am supposed to be doing. Not my life work, not my calling. I am okay with it. I have kind of been feeling this way for a while. Jewelry is not the thing I came here to this life to do. I have always been an artist, jewelry just has been my most recent medium to work with.
I am looking forward to this great adventure we are starting in June. I am so excited. I am trying to figure out what to do. Do I set up a studio or do I pack up the beads and put the boxes in the guest room closet or storage closet and forget them for a while ? I just do not know.
Sometimes when you have been trying something for a long time, it is not so fun anymore. I am still just as able to create, and I do enjoy making pieces, especially custom orders but for the most part, when you c reate to sell the fun goes out and the frustration comes in !!
The only thing I do know for absolutely sure is that I want my future to be even more fun and creative and exciting than my past has been !! I have shared my life with my wonderful husband for over 30 years and our kids have been such a blessing. It has been fun and never boring, and I want to have a fun and interesting next half of my life too !!
I am going to be 52 in June. That is still very young. I used to think I would be old at 50, but if my eyes are closed, I feel much younger. When I cannot see the weight I put on , it does not affect me, only when I am looking do I see the weight that has been a bit of an albatrose around my neck.
Oprah once said her fat was like mud in her wings and I can relate to that. I think I need to work on getting rid of the extra weight and see where that takes me.
I am learning that finding yourself. working on being who you came here to be, is not easy work. It is really hard. It is not exciting all the time, but can be very boring and tedious to find what you are supposed to do.
I wish the answer was there for me to read, but it is not !! It is a deep hard excavation that we have to do. Removing those rocks and dirt a bit of a time and using that little brush to gently move things out of our way so we can see underneath the facade we have created !! I know something great is there, I know it will be fun and creative and fullfilling. I also know I have some more digging to get to it.
So, for now I am packing and figuring out what to take, lend the kids, or sell. Lots of hard work. we want to lighten the load and start fresh without so much stuff !!
Life is meant to be lived to the fullest and that is what I want to do. I want to enjoy the journey too, not just what the journey shows me. The journey could be quite long, it could be quite short, but the journey will teach me about myself and that is very important !!
The best is yet to be
15 Mar 2012 2 Comments
in New chapter Tags: a plan, being creative, believe in yourself, best I can be, best is yet to be, business, career, challenge, finding me, finding yourself, fulliflled, future, good years, grandma, grandpa, grown kids, job, learning, life, meaning, motivation, passion, taking chances
I was given something to think about today while watching The View. I had never really thought a lot about it , but something said by John Ramsey made me think. After losing his six year old daughter Jon Boni fifteen years ago, and then his wife seven years ago , he was asked if he still had the good years ahead of him.
Wow, what a thing to ask yourself !! Are the good years still ahead of me ?
When we are young we have so much to look forward to. Getting through grammer school, going to middle school, and then going to high school. Your first date, learning to drive, getting your license, getting a car, getting your first job, graduating high school. Possibly going to college and then graduating. Meeting the right person, gettting engaged, getting married, buying a house, having your babies, moving up in your career , all this is ahead of you.
One day you wake up. Your kids are grown. You may even own a house. You may even have grandkids. What is left to look forward to ? Are the best days behind you at that point ? Especially for us stay at home moms who never pursued a career. What in the heck is left to look forward to as a personal goal now ? Haven’t we reached all the miles stones we get in life ?
I had thought some about that. Obviously that is why I started this blog. But never in those terms. Are the best years ahead of me, or behind me ? I think it really depends on you.
If you think, okay, thats it. I am done, there is nothing left to look forward to in my life. Just exist until I die, then that is probably what will happen and you might not live a very long full life.Or it might seem very long because you are so unfullfilled and bored stupid.
But if you say, okay. The obvious milestones have been met, but I am going to find new ones and find out who I am and what I want now that I have finished my very important work of raising my kids, that will give you a completely differant perspective and therefore a differant view of life.
There is no obvious physical differance between people with those two seperate attitudes, both start from the same place, butonce that question is answered the spiritual, mental and physical life of those two people are completely differant based on how they answer it.
If you believe with all your heart you can set new milestones and build a new life then you can do that.
Go back to school, start a new career. If you have never worked, get a job you enjoy or start a business of your own.
What do you love to do ? What excites you ? That is where we need to start.
I am so excited now that I heard John Ramsey say that today. Now I know what I need to do.
I need to set goals for myself so I can build a wonderful future for myself.
Now, many people will say, what about my spouse ? Where do they fit in to this ? Well, they do and they don’t. They do in that they are your spouse and the most important person in your life and what you do impacts them. But they cannot be responsible for your happiness and you cannot be responsible for thiers. But, if you are in a great relationship , if you find what makes you really happy, it cannot help but make your relationship happier too. Maybe it will inspire them to find what they want to do as well.
I am blessed to have a husband who encourages me to try new things and always supports my efforts and I do the same for him. I cannot wait to have this discussion with him but unfortunately he is in bed sick , and sound asleep !! I think it is a wonderful discussion for everyone to have with thier partners or spouse, or friends or both .
Now it will not be easy. It will take work. But at least we know WHY we are doing it. I want to have an exciting and fun life and be able to enjoy the many years ahead of me now that our kids are grown and out on thier own. It is our time to explore our relationship as well, and really build a new one. We are not Mommy and Daddy anymore, but Mom and Dad and Grandma and Grandpa. We can now , for the first time ever in 30 years, put ourselves first !! How wonderful !!
But while my husband has a job and skills he has built over these past 3o years, I have been home with our kids and grandkids. So, now I have to step out of my safe little box and find out what I want to do. I have to really figure out what it is I am passionate about, what I can see myself doing for the next half of my life and what I can build my new goals around.Yes, I did say the next half of my life. I am only 51 and only consider myself only half way through my life , and it will be a great second half !!
It will not be an overnight thing. I will have to dig and explore and figure it out. But now I do know I want to have the best years ahead of me, which means they will be pretty damn good. I have had a great life so far. Amazing husband, wonderful kids who have given us wonderful families to love in our in law kids and grand kids.
The bar has been set pretty high, but I am worth it and life is worth it. I want to be busy and happy and fullfilled each day. I want to get out of bed excited about my day and looking foward to what I am going to try today.
So, if you want it, the best is yet to be, and you can have the life of your dreams, it is NOT all over for you. You just have to want it bad enough !!! If you believe in yourself, you can make the second half even better then the first !! It is all up to you !!!!
Learning to love ourselves
23 Feb 2012 2 Comments
in Uncategorized Tags: beauty, believe in yourself, depression, diet, fat, health, heavy, lack of self esteem, losing weight, love, overweight, prejudice, self esteem, self love
Another blogger wrote today about people who say negitive things about overweight people, many times disquised as advice.
I do not know why people are so critical of overweight people. It seems to be the last allowed prejudice. Many feel it is okay to tell someone they need to lose weight and tell them they eat too much and do not understand that damage they are doing.
Many overweight people struggle with self esteem. Sometimes caused by the weight and sometimes the self esteem issue causes the weight. Either way, the people that suffer from lack of self esteem have trouble getting incentive to lose weight , the food has for many become t hier comfort and the more uncomfortable with thier body they are, the more they turn to food. It often becomes a vicous cycle .
What I want people to understand that are not overweight and have never been overweight and feel good about themselves. They are often asking someone to fight hard for someone they do not love very much. If you do not think you deserve to be happy, or deserve to be thin, you are not going to be willing to do what it takes to work to get thin. That causes discomfort, and the food which helps you to bury the discomfort is now going to be taken away. This can cause panic and depression in a person who is suffering with this and often is just not sustainable. Think about it this way. If you do not love yourself, and you do not feel deserving, you are not going to be willing to fight to get the things y ou do not feel you deserve. Who is going to fight for someone they sometimes even hate or despise ?
We need to concentrate on why someone does not love themselves and teach them why they are loveable, just the way they are. Fat or thin makes no differance in our worth as a person and if more people who tell the people they love or even just work with and know, how wonderful they and what they admire about them and help them build themselves up, they would want to do the hard work that comes with losing weight. They would start to love them selves and care about themselves and want to fix those things that are not right in thier life, without you telling them too.
Lets be clear. I have never myelf met an overweight person who wanted to be that way.Okay I do know there are some people out there who love being heavy and are happy that way and love themselves heavy , and that is not the issue here. I am talking about those people who do not want to be overweight but just cannot seem to overcome the to them unsurmountable work it takes to get to goal. It is not an easy thing to do.
I have often said when you are over a hundred pounds overweight and starting a diet, it is like trying to go up 100 stairs with one hand and one leg tied behind your back. Scary and seems impossible. But once you are invested emotionally in yourself. You see the beautfiul person that you are, and that fat or thin you are worthy of being loved and cherished and also , you are worthy and deserving of being slim and healthy too. At that point you can see yourself reaching goal, you can see yourself happy and slim and the work does not seem overwelming anymore. That stair case seems less scary . Hard yes, momenets it seems impossible, yes, but you are willing to work through those bad moments because you know that is all they are. Bad moments.
So, if we can just teach our thin friends that they are not helping by saying “constructive ” things , that overweight people know they need to lose weight , and they know they are too heavy and have health risks because of it. Instead they should show thier friends they care. Tell tell them what you admire about them and how much you like them. What their strengths are and how beaufiful they are. Show jthem they matter and that you are glad they are here , fat or thin. Love them unconditionally .
Not many people are willing to fight for someone they do not love or care about, so you are just ingraining that feeling of being unworthy every time you tell a heavy person what they should be doing. It makes them feel like a failure and it is humiliating.
We are all worthy. We are all beautiful. It took me a while to see that, but now I am happy with who I am and I am now willing to work to be healthy because I deserve to be healthy and strong and fit. I deserve to have energy and be able to do all the things I want to do.
So, lets just help each other love ourselves. Nothing is more important for so many reasons. We are all wonderful, beautfiul and deserving of good things.
A nice day
23 Feb 2012 3 Comments
in Uncategorized Tags: healthy snack, turkey patties
I had a great first day back on track and today is my second day !! I forgot to get on the scale but that is fine !!
I had a great day of eating healthy and found a great site called Spark People where they have so many wonderful tools !! You can track your excercise and eating and there is a great communtiy there and I am very excited and looking forward to having fun while I lose weight.
I have committed to a minimum of 15 minutes of walking a day. I am going to shoot for more, but no less than 15 minutes a day. I have enough time in my day to walk for two hours, so there is absolutely no excuse I can honestly come up with to not walk my minimum 15 minutes.
I made up some turkey patties last night and are they good!!! I mixed t hree pounds of ground turkey with four egglands best eggs for the omegas and some Mrs Dash and a bit of organic sea salt and some garlic salt and cooked them in my cast iron pan. I think they are my new favorate food !! The egg gives them a light texture and the flavor is so wonderful !! Love them !!
I started my husband on a good eating plan today as well. A friend and I were talking about diet and nutrition and when we started talking about what he takes to work a day, we realized that he was eating way less food than he should. It was his choice to take the healthy but meager lunches he was taking and his work day was such he was eating his breakfast and lunch five to si x hours apart. Breakfast at between four thirty and five am and his lunch at 11. Thati s set by the company. I added in a healthy snack for him to eat just before work at six forty five to seven , and then added to his lu nch and dinner, he works a 12 hour shift so eats twice at work and then added a good healthy snack for his hour long drive home so he is not starving when he gets home. He eats his last meal at 3 and by the time he got home at 8 and took his shower it was eight thirty pm and and he was starving and wanting to eat whatever he c ould find. Now we know why. A combination of not enough calories all day and then his last meal at 3, so I think I have his calories up today, but probably still not enough for him as he works a very physcial job. I told him it will take us time to get to the right amount but hopefully he will not be as t ired as he has gotten lately and will not be starving when he gets home, poor guy, I feel so b ad for him. He was eating what a average woman should eat on a reducing diet and he is a 260 pound man with a physcial job. So, that was a lesson to me on how you can not lose and gain on too little food for your body. He was eating very healthy, but way too little food.
So, now we are both on board with healthy plans and I am excited to see how we both feel as time goes on .
Hi !! My name is Stephanie and I am working hard to find myself after raising four kids and putting myself on the back burner. This is my journey to find the me inside, my authentic self, I am so glad you can join me !!
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